Positive thinking is able to help people achieve certain goals they had set for themselves. It is one of the many powerful tools each person has. Positive thinking is able to get people a job and money. However, positive thinking doesn’t usually help with love and health which the person happens to have no control over. To some extent, positive thinking is able to get a person what they desire.
When it comes to money and getting a job, positive thinking can help a person get both. Positive thinking boosts confidence and when an interviewer sees that a person has confidence, it gives them a good feeling that the person can be right for the job. Also, if the person doesn’t get the job but continues to have positive thinking and a positive attitude then it will help them keep trying. If a person didn’t have positive thinking then they would stop trying since their self esteem was hurt and their confidence level went down. This concept can also apply to making a lot of money. People who want to be really wealthy won’t stop until they get it. They think positively and set high standards for themselves to achieve it. People need to do hard work in order to get what they want and can’t depend on just positive thinking. People need to put themselves out there and achieve their goals if they want to get what they want.
Love and health is something nobody has control over. Love just happens and getting cancer is something that just occurs. If a person has positive thinking about getting better or finding the right person, it won’t change anything. If I had positive thinking about love, like “I know I’ll find the right one” then I’ll keep assuming that no guy is good enough for me or if a person rejected me, and I keep thinking, “I’ll keep trying until I find true love” then I’ll just assume the first person that doesn’t reject me is the one. Love happens unexpectedly and we can’t challenge fate. When a person has cancer and they keep having positive thinking, it can boost their faith in religion but ultimately won’t change if the cancer goes away or not. If I keep thinking, “I will get better” the cancer cells won’t magically disappear, it takes time, patience and chemo to make cancer go away not just positive thinking.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Anti-Depressants (Revised)
Many Americans are constantly being prescribed antidepressant drugs each year. The drug industry is making millions of dollars off our vulnerability. People with mild depression symptoms are manipulated into believing that drugs like Prozac or Cymbalta will get them back on their feet. Drugs are a big step to take and could be necessary when the depression is severe. Antidepressant drugs should be given only to those who are clinically considered severely depressed.
Different ads, commercials and magazines promote the different types of antidepressant treatment. The drugs however aren’t always the best solution especially if the patient isn’t severely depressed. The difference between a person who is severely depressed and a person who is mildly depressed can vary. For example a person who is severely depressed can experience suicide thoughts and attempts and can go through sleep disorders or concentration problems. People who are mildly depressed just feel indifferent towards people and activities they do (Russell). People who are mildly depressed, psychologically think that drugs will automatically help the depression faster and will keep them on their feet. Clinical psychologist Irving Kirsch conducted a study where he took a group of depressed patients separating them into mildly depressed and severely depressed. He then had his team administer four different types of antidepressant medication which include Prozac, Paxil, Effexor and Serzone to one group. The other group received a placebo which is a sugar pill but the patients still think it’s the real medication. The point of the placebo was to see if the medication actually works or if it is all psychological. The results came back telling the researchers that the overall difference between the actual medication and the placebo isn’t as large as they thought it would be. Ben Harder explains, “…the overall difference between medication and placebo was so small, that it was ‘clinically insignificant’ for all but the most depressed patients.” The patients who are mildly depressed don’t need the drugs, however the severe cases of people who are depressed do. He also states, “The average improvement of patients getting a placebo was over 80 percent as effective.” A person taking the placebo can improve their symptoms like people who are taking the actual medication. Mildly depressed people don’t need medication and can use other treatments to overcome their depression. People who are mildly depressed should seek alternative treatment like therapy, talking to friends, doing their hobbies, or even keeping a journal that helps them express their emotions and thoughts so they can keep their mind off the depression.
When people go through traumatic experiences and become depressed, sometimes they misjudge how long the pain will proceed. In Jon Gertner’s article he talks about the different ideas psychologists offer about the pursuit of happiness. He writes about an idea psychologist Daniel Gilbert and his collaborator Tim Wilson had which talked about the “impact bias”, which explained how people over think how long their feelings will last. Gertner writes, “…the gap between what we predict and what we ultimately experience the ‘impact bias’—‘impact’ meaning the errors we make in estimating both the intensity and duration of our emotions and ‘bias’ our tendency to err” (8). Mildly depressed patients can often misjudge how long their depression will last. At the moment their feeling depressed they think it’s a lifelong experience they will endure. However, with therapy treatment mildly depressed patients are able to overcome their depression. People who suffer from major depression find it extremely difficult to overcome it. They sometimes have relapses, once they feel better the depression can come back in a few months or years. It is an ongoing battle that people with major depression have to deal with. They need therapy and antidepressant medication to help them get their life on track. People with mildly depression don’t need antidepressants to make them get over the depression since it is not severe. Antidepressants can also be a risk taking since the side effects can be life threatening for some people.
Serious side effects are related to the antidepressants taken. In Ben Harder’s article, he tells us that psychologist Kirsh admits that one of the side effects of antidepressants is increased risk of suicide. If a slightly depressed patient takes an antidepressant their risk of suicide increases and can make them more depressed then they already were. The point of antidepressants is for it to raise serotonin levels in the brain which is a neurotransmitter that helps control emotion. People with severe depression, have very low serotonin levels and the antidepressant helps balance the levels of serotonin in the body. People that are mildly depressed don’t need it because their serotonin levels aren’t as extremely low like a severely depressed person is. They are able to control their depression and can seek help by using therapy which will help them as well. However, many people think that their judgment is best and if they think they need the antidepressants, they can easily ask their doctor for a prescription.
Doctors prescribe patients what they think is right for them. Nowadays, patients can tell their doctors what they want to take. According to the Patient’s Bill of Rights, patients can “participate in all decisions about your treatment” as well as refuse any treatment the doctor gives them. This can give the patients the power to tell their doctor what is best for them in their judgment. Patients don’t need to see a psychologist anymore to get a prescription for the drug, they can talk to their doctor about it. This demonstrates how easily a person has access to antidepressants which shouldn’t be so.
Depression is a terrible mood disorder that affects millions of people in America. People with mild depression should use alternative treatment like therapy instead of drugs. The drug industry is making millions of dollars and they are making commercials to make people think they really need them. There are other alternatives to go to and drugs should be given to those who are severely depressed because they struggle every day to get by.
Works Cited
Gertner, Jon. “The Futile Pursuit of Happiness.” Eng 101- The Pursuit of Happiness. Ed. E. McCormick, New York: LaGuardia Community College, 2010. 7-14. Print.
Harder, Ben. “Are Antidepressant Drugs Actually Worth Taking?” Discover Magazine. October 2008. 1 December 2010.< http://discovermagazine.com/2008/oct/10-are-antidepressant-drugs-actually-worth-taking> Web.
Myers, David G. Psychology Ninth Edition. New York: Worth Publishers, 2010. Print.
“Patient’s Rights in New York State” New York: Dept. of Health, 2010. December 2010
Russell, Lisa. “What Is the Difference Between Severe & Mild Major Depressive Disorder?” eHow. 1 December 2010. < http://www.ehow.com/about_5063752_difference-mild-major-depressive-disorder.html> Web.
Different ads, commercials and magazines promote the different types of antidepressant treatment. The drugs however aren’t always the best solution especially if the patient isn’t severely depressed. The difference between a person who is severely depressed and a person who is mildly depressed can vary. For example a person who is severely depressed can experience suicide thoughts and attempts and can go through sleep disorders or concentration problems. People who are mildly depressed just feel indifferent towards people and activities they do (Russell). People who are mildly depressed, psychologically think that drugs will automatically help the depression faster and will keep them on their feet. Clinical psychologist Irving Kirsch conducted a study where he took a group of depressed patients separating them into mildly depressed and severely depressed. He then had his team administer four different types of antidepressant medication which include Prozac, Paxil, Effexor and Serzone to one group. The other group received a placebo which is a sugar pill but the patients still think it’s the real medication. The point of the placebo was to see if the medication actually works or if it is all psychological. The results came back telling the researchers that the overall difference between the actual medication and the placebo isn’t as large as they thought it would be. Ben Harder explains, “…the overall difference between medication and placebo was so small, that it was ‘clinically insignificant’ for all but the most depressed patients.” The patients who are mildly depressed don’t need the drugs, however the severe cases of people who are depressed do. He also states, “The average improvement of patients getting a placebo was over 80 percent as effective.” A person taking the placebo can improve their symptoms like people who are taking the actual medication. Mildly depressed people don’t need medication and can use other treatments to overcome their depression. People who are mildly depressed should seek alternative treatment like therapy, talking to friends, doing their hobbies, or even keeping a journal that helps them express their emotions and thoughts so they can keep their mind off the depression.
When people go through traumatic experiences and become depressed, sometimes they misjudge how long the pain will proceed. In Jon Gertner’s article he talks about the different ideas psychologists offer about the pursuit of happiness. He writes about an idea psychologist Daniel Gilbert and his collaborator Tim Wilson had which talked about the “impact bias”, which explained how people over think how long their feelings will last. Gertner writes, “…the gap between what we predict and what we ultimately experience the ‘impact bias’—‘impact’ meaning the errors we make in estimating both the intensity and duration of our emotions and ‘bias’ our tendency to err” (8). Mildly depressed patients can often misjudge how long their depression will last. At the moment their feeling depressed they think it’s a lifelong experience they will endure. However, with therapy treatment mildly depressed patients are able to overcome their depression. People who suffer from major depression find it extremely difficult to overcome it. They sometimes have relapses, once they feel better the depression can come back in a few months or years. It is an ongoing battle that people with major depression have to deal with. They need therapy and antidepressant medication to help them get their life on track. People with mildly depression don’t need antidepressants to make them get over the depression since it is not severe. Antidepressants can also be a risk taking since the side effects can be life threatening for some people.
Serious side effects are related to the antidepressants taken. In Ben Harder’s article, he tells us that psychologist Kirsh admits that one of the side effects of antidepressants is increased risk of suicide. If a slightly depressed patient takes an antidepressant their risk of suicide increases and can make them more depressed then they already were. The point of antidepressants is for it to raise serotonin levels in the brain which is a neurotransmitter that helps control emotion. People with severe depression, have very low serotonin levels and the antidepressant helps balance the levels of serotonin in the body. People that are mildly depressed don’t need it because their serotonin levels aren’t as extremely low like a severely depressed person is. They are able to control their depression and can seek help by using therapy which will help them as well. However, many people think that their judgment is best and if they think they need the antidepressants, they can easily ask their doctor for a prescription.
Doctors prescribe patients what they think is right for them. Nowadays, patients can tell their doctors what they want to take. According to the Patient’s Bill of Rights, patients can “participate in all decisions about your treatment” as well as refuse any treatment the doctor gives them. This can give the patients the power to tell their doctor what is best for them in their judgment. Patients don’t need to see a psychologist anymore to get a prescription for the drug, they can talk to their doctor about it. This demonstrates how easily a person has access to antidepressants which shouldn’t be so.
Depression is a terrible mood disorder that affects millions of people in America. People with mild depression should use alternative treatment like therapy instead of drugs. The drug industry is making millions of dollars and they are making commercials to make people think they really need them. There are other alternatives to go to and drugs should be given to those who are severely depressed because they struggle every day to get by.
Works Cited
Gertner, Jon. “The Futile Pursuit of Happiness.” Eng 101- The Pursuit of Happiness. Ed. E. McCormick, New York: LaGuardia Community College, 2010. 7-14. Print.
Harder, Ben. “Are Antidepressant Drugs Actually Worth Taking?” Discover Magazine. October 2008. 1 December 2010.< http://discovermagazine.com/2008/oct/10-are-antidepressant-drugs-actually-worth-taking> Web.
Myers, David G. Psychology Ninth Edition. New York: Worth Publishers, 2010. Print.
“Patient’s Rights in New York State” New York: Dept. of Health, 2010. December 2010
Russell, Lisa. “What Is the Difference Between Severe & Mild Major Depressive Disorder?” eHow. 1 December 2010. < http://www.ehow.com/about_5063752_difference-mild-major-depressive-disorder.html> Web.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Antidepressants
Many Americans are constantly being prescribed to antidepressant drugs each year. The drug industry is making millions of dollars off our vulnerability. People with mild depression symptoms are manipulated into believing that drugs like Prozac or Cymbalta will get them back on their feet. Drugs are a big step to take and could be necessary when the depression is severe. Antidepressant drugs should be given only to those who are clinically considered severely depressed.
Different ads, commercials and magazines promote the different types of antidepressant treatment. The drugs however aren’t always the best solution especially if the patient isn’t severely depressed. The difference between a person who is severely depressed and a person who is mildly depressed can vary. For example a person who is severely depressed can experience suicide thoughts and attempts and can go through sleep disorders or concentration problems. People who are mildly depressed just feel indifferent towards people and activities they do (Russell). People who are mildly depressed, psychologically think that drugs will automatically cure the depression and will keep them on their feet. Clinical psychologist Irving Kirsch conducted a study where he took a group of depressed patients separating them into mildly depressed and severely depressed. He then had his team administer four different types of antidepressant medication which include Prozac, Paxil, Effexor and Serzone to one group. The other group received a placebo which is a sugar pill but the patients still think it’s the real medication. The point of the placebo was to see if the medication actually works or if it is all psychological. The results came back telling the researchers that the overall difference between the two isn’t as large as they thought it would be. Ben Harder explains, “…the overall difference between medication and placebo was so small, that it was ‘clinically insignificant’ for all but the most depressed patients.” This shows that the patients who are mildly depressed don’t need the drugs, however the severe cases of people who are depressed do. He also states, “The average improvement of patients getting a placebo was over 80 percent as effective.” This means that a person taking the placebo can improve their symptoms like people who are taking the actual medication. This shows that mildly depressed people don’t need medication and can use other treatments to overcome their depression. People who are mildly depressed should seek alternative treatment like therapy, talking to friends, doing their hobbies, etc. to keep their mind off the depression.
When people go through traumatic experiences and become depressed, sometimes they misjudge how long the pain will proceed. In Jon Gertner’s article he talks about the different ideas psychologists offer about the pursuit of happiness. He writes about an idea psychologist Daniel Gilbert and his collaborator Tim Wilson had which talked about the “impact bias.” Gertner writes, “…the gap between what we predict and what we ultimately experience the ‘impact bias’—‘impact’ meaning the errors we make in estimating both the intensity and duration of our emotions and ‘bias’ our tendency to err” (8). Mildly depressed patients can often misjudge how long their depression will last. At the moment their feeling depressed they think it’s a lifelong experience they will endure. However, with therapy treatment mildly depressed patients are able to overcome their depression. They don’t need antidepressants to make them get over the depression since it is not severe. Antidepressants can also be a risk taking since the side effects can be life threatening.
Serious side effects are related to the antidepressants taken. In Ben Harder’s article, he tells us that psychologist Kirsh admits that one of the side effects of antidepressants is increased risk of suicide. If a slightly depressed patient takes an antidepressant their risk of suicide increases and can make them more depressed then they already were. Doctors prescribe patients what they think is right for them. Nowadays, patients can tell their doctors what they want to take. According to the Patient’s Bill of Rights, patients can “participate in all decisions about your treatment” as well as refuse any treatment the doctor gives them. This can give the patients the power to tell their doctor what is best for them in their judgment.
Depression is a terrible mood disorder that affects millions of people in America. People with mild depression should use alternative treatment like therapy instead of drugs. The drug industry is making millions of dollars and they are making commercials to make people think they really need them. There is other alternatives to go to and drugs should be given to those who are severely depressed because they struggle every day to get by.
Different ads, commercials and magazines promote the different types of antidepressant treatment. The drugs however aren’t always the best solution especially if the patient isn’t severely depressed. The difference between a person who is severely depressed and a person who is mildly depressed can vary. For example a person who is severely depressed can experience suicide thoughts and attempts and can go through sleep disorders or concentration problems. People who are mildly depressed just feel indifferent towards people and activities they do (Russell). People who are mildly depressed, psychologically think that drugs will automatically cure the depression and will keep them on their feet. Clinical psychologist Irving Kirsch conducted a study where he took a group of depressed patients separating them into mildly depressed and severely depressed. He then had his team administer four different types of antidepressant medication which include Prozac, Paxil, Effexor and Serzone to one group. The other group received a placebo which is a sugar pill but the patients still think it’s the real medication. The point of the placebo was to see if the medication actually works or if it is all psychological. The results came back telling the researchers that the overall difference between the two isn’t as large as they thought it would be. Ben Harder explains, “…the overall difference between medication and placebo was so small, that it was ‘clinically insignificant’ for all but the most depressed patients.” This shows that the patients who are mildly depressed don’t need the drugs, however the severe cases of people who are depressed do. He also states, “The average improvement of patients getting a placebo was over 80 percent as effective.” This means that a person taking the placebo can improve their symptoms like people who are taking the actual medication. This shows that mildly depressed people don’t need medication and can use other treatments to overcome their depression. People who are mildly depressed should seek alternative treatment like therapy, talking to friends, doing their hobbies, etc. to keep their mind off the depression.
When people go through traumatic experiences and become depressed, sometimes they misjudge how long the pain will proceed. In Jon Gertner’s article he talks about the different ideas psychologists offer about the pursuit of happiness. He writes about an idea psychologist Daniel Gilbert and his collaborator Tim Wilson had which talked about the “impact bias.” Gertner writes, “…the gap between what we predict and what we ultimately experience the ‘impact bias’—‘impact’ meaning the errors we make in estimating both the intensity and duration of our emotions and ‘bias’ our tendency to err” (8). Mildly depressed patients can often misjudge how long their depression will last. At the moment their feeling depressed they think it’s a lifelong experience they will endure. However, with therapy treatment mildly depressed patients are able to overcome their depression. They don’t need antidepressants to make them get over the depression since it is not severe. Antidepressants can also be a risk taking since the side effects can be life threatening.
Serious side effects are related to the antidepressants taken. In Ben Harder’s article, he tells us that psychologist Kirsh admits that one of the side effects of antidepressants is increased risk of suicide. If a slightly depressed patient takes an antidepressant their risk of suicide increases and can make them more depressed then they already were. Doctors prescribe patients what they think is right for them. Nowadays, patients can tell their doctors what they want to take. According to the Patient’s Bill of Rights, patients can “participate in all decisions about your treatment” as well as refuse any treatment the doctor gives them. This can give the patients the power to tell their doctor what is best for them in their judgment.
Depression is a terrible mood disorder that affects millions of people in America. People with mild depression should use alternative treatment like therapy instead of drugs. The drug industry is making millions of dollars and they are making commercials to make people think they really need them. There is other alternatives to go to and drugs should be given to those who are severely depressed because they struggle every day to get by.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Antidepressant Drugs Thesis/ Extra Source
Antidepressant drugs should be given only to those who are considered severely depressed.
Outside Source: http://discovermagazine.com/2008/oct/10-are-antidepressant-drugs-actually-worth-taking
Outside Source: http://discovermagazine.com/2008/oct/10-are-antidepressant-drugs-actually-worth-taking
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Thankful
There are many things I am grateful for in my life. First and foremost is my family, who always keep me strong and motivated to do better in life. They keep me focused on my goals and help me financially with school. I’m also glad to have my baby nephew in my life. He brings me automatic happiness when I see him and shows me what it’s like to be a mother for a day. I’m also thankful to have my boyfriend because he’s always there for me and always talks to me when I need him. He fills my days with laughter and love and I’m glad I met him back in high school.
I’m thankful for being in the United States and pursuing an education. I’m glad I had the opportunity to do better than my fore mothers did. This motivates me to do better in school and not just be a housewife and fit the stereotype of an Hispanic woman.
I’m thankful for being in the United States and pursuing an education. I’m glad I had the opportunity to do better than my fore mothers did. This motivates me to do better in school and not just be a housewife and fit the stereotype of an Hispanic woman.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Cultivating Happier Romantic Relationships
People often wonder how they can flourish their relationships with their significant other. Some people love for the wrong reasons, which destroy the relationship they have or make them feel distant from their partners. In a relationship, the person must know the characteristics of their significant other. They should feel a deep connection with them because of who they are and how they act. People could be happier in relationships if they know their core self and of their significant other.
People often connect and fall in love with people that express who they really are and keep it true to themselves. According to Tal-Ben Shahar’s book, the core self of a person demonstrates their character. A person can observe their behaviors to determine how the person is (114). For example, I fell in love with my boyfriend because he’s patient, caring, humorous and understanding. I could be yelling at him telling him that I'm right and he's wrong and he'll respond patiently and loving. He also gives me advice when I’m in trouble and makes me laugh when he sees that there’s something wrong. I know his characteristics based on how acts around me and other people. I am able to determine that those characteristics fit him and he is not afraid to show me who he really is. Tal-Ben Shahar also states that loving unconditionally means that no matter what happens the person will not change how they feel about their significant other because their core self won’t change. Learning about how your significant other is, cultivates a happier relationship because the person knows the reasons why they fell in love with them in the first place. Understanding one’s core self establishes a strong bond because people feel comfortable around the person since they know the person’s true self.
People that love conditionally, which they seek money, looks, accessories, etc. in their significant other, tend to be less happy about their marriage or relationship. Looks fade, money comes and goes, but unconditional love doesn’t. Once those factors fade away, people become unhappy and leave their partner because they are no longer able to support them. When those factors are the only things that keep a relationship stable, then it won’t create a happier relationship.
When two people fall in love because of the core self of their partner, they understand each other better. They are able to communicate better and the person would love you for who you are not because of what you have. In Shankar Vedantam’s article, “The Michigan psychologist has come up with strong evidence that happiness in relationships and marriage has less to do with your partner and more to do with yourself.” This shows that people need to know what they want in their relationships. He explains that marrying a person doesn’t automatically make you happy, it all depends about what the relationship offers. The relationship, however must offer more than just sexual intimacy.
People often confuse their feelings about true love and lust. Tal- Ben Shahar writes, “A relationship founded primarily on lust cannot last for long” (119). There has to be something deeper than just loving the person for physical affection. In Helen Fisher’s video about the brain in love, she talks about how people are drawn closer to other people who are just like them and share similar qualities as them. She states that one of the biggest challenges is to understand one another. The person needs to know themselves first to be able to understand their significant other. If the couple begins to understand each other and know how their core self is, then trust comes into play. People tend to open up more with people they trust. Tal Ben- Shahar writes, “In order for the love and passion in a relationship to grow over time, both partners must be willing to be known, and this means gradually disclosing their innermost selves---their desires, fears, fantasies, dreams…” (120). Communication is a key to long lasting happy relationships. The couple needs to release their beliefs, thoughts and dreams with each other to strengthen the relationship.
Accepting the people we love for who they are is one of the many things that brings a relationship closer and happier. In Helen Fisher’s other video about why we love, she says that we focus on what we love about them. She states that we can list all the negative aspects about them but at the end of the day we ignore it and love them for who they are. Knowing one’s true self can motivate us and can help us become happy. According to the humanistic psychology article, everyone is unique and wants to be loved. The article states, “The individual is neither intrinsically good or bad and is motivated towards self actualization and to seek security, love, belonging and, ultimately, truth.” People want to feel good about themselves and want to be accepted for the way they are. They want to feel connected and don't want to feel like they're constantly being looked down upon because of their insecurities or their weaknesses.
Spending more time with your significant other can help learn more about them. People would want to express their core self because they feel secure and feel like they wouldn’t be judged. I love being able to express my ideas and thoughts and be silly around my boyfriend. He loves that part of me and I feel like he loves me for who I am. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not, or like things I don’t around him. I love how we communicate and how I’m not shy around him. Spending time with him makes our relationship grow and it helps us learn more about each other. We become open minded when we talk about religion and culture and we get to learn about each other’s beliefs. We become comfortable talking about different topics and this flourishes our relationship.
There are many ways to cultivate a happy relationship with your significant other. Being able to express who you are deeply strengthens the relationship. By doing so, it enables people to trust their significant other and is able to increase communication between the couple. Being able to know one’s core self establishes deeper connections which lets the relationship last longer and become happier.
Works Cited
“Association of Humanistic Psychology Practitioners: Core Beliefs” UKAHPP Core Beliefs Statement. UKAHPP. Web. 6 November 2010
Ben-Shahar, Tal. Happier. New York: McGraw- Hill Companies, 2007.
Fisher, Helen. Helen Fisher tells us why we love + cheat. TED 2006, filmed Feb. 2006; Posted Sep. 2006, video recording, TED, 2006,
Fisher, Helen. Helen Fisher studies the brain in love. TED 2008, filmed Feb. 2008; Posted July 2008, video recording, TED, 2008, http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html
Vedantam, Shankar. “Does a Ring Bring Happiness, or Vice Versa?” Washington Post. April 2003: pag. A09. Web. 6 November 2010.
People often connect and fall in love with people that express who they really are and keep it true to themselves. According to Tal-Ben Shahar’s book, the core self of a person demonstrates their character. A person can observe their behaviors to determine how the person is (114). For example, I fell in love with my boyfriend because he’s patient, caring, humorous and understanding. I could be yelling at him telling him that I'm right and he's wrong and he'll respond patiently and loving. He also gives me advice when I’m in trouble and makes me laugh when he sees that there’s something wrong. I know his characteristics based on how acts around me and other people. I am able to determine that those characteristics fit him and he is not afraid to show me who he really is. Tal-Ben Shahar also states that loving unconditionally means that no matter what happens the person will not change how they feel about their significant other because their core self won’t change. Learning about how your significant other is, cultivates a happier relationship because the person knows the reasons why they fell in love with them in the first place. Understanding one’s core self establishes a strong bond because people feel comfortable around the person since they know the person’s true self.
People that love conditionally, which they seek money, looks, accessories, etc. in their significant other, tend to be less happy about their marriage or relationship. Looks fade, money comes and goes, but unconditional love doesn’t. Once those factors fade away, people become unhappy and leave their partner because they are no longer able to support them. When those factors are the only things that keep a relationship stable, then it won’t create a happier relationship.
When two people fall in love because of the core self of their partner, they understand each other better. They are able to communicate better and the person would love you for who you are not because of what you have. In Shankar Vedantam’s article, “The Michigan psychologist has come up with strong evidence that happiness in relationships and marriage has less to do with your partner and more to do with yourself.” This shows that people need to know what they want in their relationships. He explains that marrying a person doesn’t automatically make you happy, it all depends about what the relationship offers. The relationship, however must offer more than just sexual intimacy.
People often confuse their feelings about true love and lust. Tal- Ben Shahar writes, “A relationship founded primarily on lust cannot last for long” (119). There has to be something deeper than just loving the person for physical affection. In Helen Fisher’s video about the brain in love, she talks about how people are drawn closer to other people who are just like them and share similar qualities as them. She states that one of the biggest challenges is to understand one another. The person needs to know themselves first to be able to understand their significant other. If the couple begins to understand each other and know how their core self is, then trust comes into play. People tend to open up more with people they trust. Tal Ben- Shahar writes, “In order for the love and passion in a relationship to grow over time, both partners must be willing to be known, and this means gradually disclosing their innermost selves---their desires, fears, fantasies, dreams…” (120). Communication is a key to long lasting happy relationships. The couple needs to release their beliefs, thoughts and dreams with each other to strengthen the relationship.
Accepting the people we love for who they are is one of the many things that brings a relationship closer and happier. In Helen Fisher’s other video about why we love, she says that we focus on what we love about them. She states that we can list all the negative aspects about them but at the end of the day we ignore it and love them for who they are. Knowing one’s true self can motivate us and can help us become happy. According to the humanistic psychology article, everyone is unique and wants to be loved. The article states, “The individual is neither intrinsically good or bad and is motivated towards self actualization and to seek security, love, belonging and, ultimately, truth.” People want to feel good about themselves and want to be accepted for the way they are. They want to feel connected and don't want to feel like they're constantly being looked down upon because of their insecurities or their weaknesses.
Spending more time with your significant other can help learn more about them. People would want to express their core self because they feel secure and feel like they wouldn’t be judged. I love being able to express my ideas and thoughts and be silly around my boyfriend. He loves that part of me and I feel like he loves me for who I am. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not, or like things I don’t around him. I love how we communicate and how I’m not shy around him. Spending time with him makes our relationship grow and it helps us learn more about each other. We become open minded when we talk about religion and culture and we get to learn about each other’s beliefs. We become comfortable talking about different topics and this flourishes our relationship.
There are many ways to cultivate a happy relationship with your significant other. Being able to express who you are deeply strengthens the relationship. By doing so, it enables people to trust their significant other and is able to increase communication between the couple. Being able to know one’s core self establishes deeper connections which lets the relationship last longer and become happier.
Works Cited
“Association of Humanistic Psychology Practitioners: Core Beliefs” UKAHPP Core Beliefs Statement. UKAHPP. Web. 6 November 2010
Ben-Shahar, Tal. Happier. New York: McGraw- Hill Companies, 2007.
Fisher, Helen. Helen Fisher tells us why we love + cheat. TED 2006, filmed Feb. 2006; Posted Sep. 2006, video recording, TED, 2006,
Fisher, Helen. Helen Fisher studies the brain in love. TED 2008, filmed Feb. 2008; Posted July 2008, video recording, TED, 2008, http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html
Vedantam, Shankar. “Does a Ring Bring Happiness, or Vice Versa?” Washington Post. April 2003: pag. A09. Web. 6 November 2010.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Relationships and Happiness
Identity and Love
When it comes to love, people never know who they’re going to fall in love with. The concept of love can happen at any moment with anyone regardless of color, religion, culture etc. Their differences can help them learn more about each other and the similarities helps them unite together. For example, I am Mexican and I fell in love with a Bengali, to me it doesn’t matter where he's from. I don’t care that he’s a slight shade darker than I am, nor do I care about his religious beliefs that differ from mine. Love isn't planned and “identity” doesn’t matter as long as the couple is happy. Another example is two women falling in love with each other. It’s who they are and they’re happy with it. Love isn’t limited and shouldn’t be, if they are committed to one another it will bring them happiness and who are we to stop them from being happy? Identity makes the relationship flourish and helps people learn about other things.
Spending More Time With Loved Ones
Spending more time with loved ones can help increase happiness and lower stress levels. When I spend time with my family or my boyfriend I feel cared for and I feel no worries. I enjoy bonding with my family members because they make me laugh and forget the stressful things happening in my life. Spending more time with loved ones also creates a stronger connection between us. I like being there for my family members when they need me and I like when they support me in everything I do and I like to do the same in return. Building connections with loved ones help the person grow and become happier to have spent time with people they love. I’m happy around people I love because I feel comfortable with them and I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not to impress them. Being able to feel comfortable around people I love brings me happiness and comfort.
Sacrifice vs. Sharing
In Tal-Ben Shahar’s book “Happier” he explains the difference between sacrifice and sharing. Sacrifice is giving something up that makes you happy while sharing is doing something that will make both people in the relationship happy. For example, giving up quality time with family and moving away because your husband found a new job somewhere else. The person is sacrificing family to make the other person happy. An example of sharing would be like Tal- Ben Shahar explained, a woman taking a week off from work to help her husband instead of quitting the job she loves. Sharing, would make the relationship grow stronger because both people are happy. There’s an ultimate difference between the two terms, sacrifice is officially giving something up that makes you happy while sharing is only temporarily giving something up. Both show however how one loves the their significant other.
When it comes to love, people never know who they’re going to fall in love with. The concept of love can happen at any moment with anyone regardless of color, religion, culture etc. Their differences can help them learn more about each other and the similarities helps them unite together. For example, I am Mexican and I fell in love with a Bengali, to me it doesn’t matter where he's from. I don’t care that he’s a slight shade darker than I am, nor do I care about his religious beliefs that differ from mine. Love isn't planned and “identity” doesn’t matter as long as the couple is happy. Another example is two women falling in love with each other. It’s who they are and they’re happy with it. Love isn’t limited and shouldn’t be, if they are committed to one another it will bring them happiness and who are we to stop them from being happy? Identity makes the relationship flourish and helps people learn about other things.
Spending More Time With Loved Ones
Spending more time with loved ones can help increase happiness and lower stress levels. When I spend time with my family or my boyfriend I feel cared for and I feel no worries. I enjoy bonding with my family members because they make me laugh and forget the stressful things happening in my life. Spending more time with loved ones also creates a stronger connection between us. I like being there for my family members when they need me and I like when they support me in everything I do and I like to do the same in return. Building connections with loved ones help the person grow and become happier to have spent time with people they love. I’m happy around people I love because I feel comfortable with them and I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not to impress them. Being able to feel comfortable around people I love brings me happiness and comfort.
Sacrifice vs. Sharing
In Tal-Ben Shahar’s book “Happier” he explains the difference between sacrifice and sharing. Sacrifice is giving something up that makes you happy while sharing is doing something that will make both people in the relationship happy. For example, giving up quality time with family and moving away because your husband found a new job somewhere else. The person is sacrificing family to make the other person happy. An example of sharing would be like Tal- Ben Shahar explained, a woman taking a week off from work to help her husband instead of quitting the job she loves. Sharing, would make the relationship grow stronger because both people are happy. There’s an ultimate difference between the two terms, sacrifice is officially giving something up that makes you happy while sharing is only temporarily giving something up. Both show however how one loves the their significant other.
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